by Kim Jones
Those who ride the emotional roller coaster of life with cancer unanimously agree on the worst section of the track. It's that long, downhill, out-of-control, white-knuckled, hang-on-for-dear-life, when-will-this-ever-end ride with fear. Even the stout-hearted find themselves braced against the seat, clenching their jaws and squinting their eyes tightly shut. While all of us careen down that section of track at one time or another, many cancer patients and their families are detoured onto that part of the ride all too often. The repeated plunge leaves them exhausted, confused, and sometimes hopeless. Fear is one of the most intense and powerful emotions God has given to us. It serves the invaluable function of protecting us from potential harm. Psychologist Gary J. Oliver explains that fear "alerts us to and helps us stay away from dangerous places, things, and people." It gives us the opportunity to think through what we're doing, to avoid panic, and to take action. But the powerful nature of fear can turn against us, causing us to perceive danger and feel overwhelming feelings of dread when there is no real threat or rational basis for those feelings of emotional panic. Many cancer patients encounter this dark side of fear. Every ache or pain becomes a recurrence, a routine doctor's appointment becomes a death sentence, a friend's expression of concern becomes the question, What do they know that I don't? Beve, a cancer patient, described her feelings of intense fear as the "tidal wave that comes from behind and knocks you face first into the sand. You don't see it coming, and you can't get out from under it." Like so many others, she tried to fight and claw her way up for air, but the harder she fought, the more hopeless and frightened she felt. Sometimes the wave of fear would be so overwhelming that her heart would race out of control and send shock waves of panic coursing through her body. Her doctor called these episodes "panic attacks" and prescribed anti-anxiety medication. The medication helped, but Beve needed more. She needed to work through her fear-and she needed help doing it. God gave Beve one of His best gifts and tools to employ in her battle with fear. He gave her a friend: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up! But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Sometimes her friend would simply sit beside her and be a physical reminder that God had not abandoned her. At other times, when her faith was weak and wavering, Beve would call her friend who would pray with her, read Scripture, and remind her of all the times that God had been faithful. Bolstered by the support of her friend, Beve rediscovered the faith she so desperately needed but had temporarily lost. Battling cancer, like most trials we face, can rock our faith. It can cause us to question our beliefs about God. It can send us on a search for the truth about who He is and what He is doing in the midst of our suffering. It can eventually strengthen and deepen our faith, but during the strengthening process, fear often lurks like a predator just outside the door. But that predator is not as powerful as it would like us to believe. An inscription over the mantle of the Hinds' Head Hotel in England reveals our ally in the battle against fear: "Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there." That is our hope. When faith answers the door, fear will flee.
The Grip of Guilt
Unfortunately, fear is often accompanied by its nasty cousin: guilt. Feelings of guilt regarding one's inability to manage excessive fear can be a great source of condemnation, especially for Christians. Colleen, for example, felt the grip of guilt first-hand when her husband was diagnosed with cancer. "At times I felt so alone," she explains. "The fear came in uncontrollable waves. My heart would race and the room would spin. I felt like a failure and was unable to understand why I couldn't rely on God completely as I knew I should." Guilt causes us to shrink away from the very God who can help us. We must remember that God cares about more than just the finished product-He is with us through the whole process. Jesus, the Master carpenter, not only knows how to rebuild our broken souls, He knows first-hand how frail and fragile we are: "Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity" (Hebrews 2:14a). God stepped out of eternity and into humanity! He became one of us in order to fully share in our human condition. For Colleen, that is a comforting thought because "it helps to know that God understands us in our human weakness." The Psalmist found it comforting as well and wrote, "As a father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust" (Psalm 103:13-14).
The Monster in the Closet
Fear can be so overwhelming that we try to run away from it. Like the child who imagines a terrible monster in the bedroom closet, we choose not to open the door. Instead, we leave the bedroom lights on (sacrificing our rest and peace), we surround ourselves with stuffed animals and books (providing distractions that enable us to live in denial), or we spend as little time as possible in the one room that was designed for our enjoyment (we run away). But when monsters are ignored, they grow larger, not smaller. It is the same with our fears. When we don't face them, they tend to grow larger, requiring increasing amounts of energy to manage. Eventually they require more energy to manage than to face! So, if we want to experience freedom from our deepest fears, we must face them. Like the frightened child who stares anxiously at the closet door, we need help to break fear's grip. God doesn't expect us to do it alone. He is there to help us. We need only to take His hand and rest on His promise: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my gracious hand" (Isaiah 41:10).
Turn on the Lights
The courage to turn on the light, open the closet door, and face the monster inside comes when we know that the God who stands beside us is greater than the monster we fear. It comes from knowing that God loves us so much that He would never abandon us to face the monster alone-no more than we would leave our child alone to face the monster in the closet. It comes from knowing that God's love for us compelled Him to hang on a cross and buy back our souls from the monster in the closet. That monster, the monster we fear the most, is death. Our fear gives it more power than it deserves. Our fear can cause us to "cower through life, scared to death of death" (Hebrews 2:15b, The Message). Our fear can blind us to the truth that God, not death, has the final say. Death will not hold us in its grasp. God will hold us in His arms. Cancer survivor Susan Strong once stood at the closet door and dared to open it. "Late one night," she says, "I lay in my hospital bed and wrestled with my worst fear: death. I imagined what it would be like to die. I knew that death would bring me into the very presence of God. I closed my eyes and imagined being held and comforted by Jesus. A deep peace and joy enveloped my soul. God's love replaced every anxious thought and fear." When we grapple with the fear of death, we can gain a hard-won freedom. In her book, A Joy I'd Never Known, Jan Dravecky shares how, when her panic attacks were at their worst, she learned to face them head-on. "When I feel a panic attack coming on," she writes, "I admit this fear of death to God, and then I surrender. I say something like, 'Lord, if you're going to take me, you're going to take me. I guess there's not much I can do about it.' By surrendering myself to God and facing my fear, I can relax." Such boldness causes fear to lose its icy grip. Faith then takes its place.
The Secret Weapon
Our secret weapon in the battle against fear is nothing less than God's love. The apostle John knew and experienced God's love in such an intimate way that he could say, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" (John 4:18). He knew, deep in his soul, that God loved him-regardless of how he felt at any given moment and regardless of his circumstances. We, too, can experience God's perfect love in our lives. We can be honest with Him about our fears, weaknesses, doubts, and sins. We can read His love letters (the Bible) and ask Him to reveal His love to us. We can receive His love through the actions of others. We can invest time in our relationship with Him. As it has for many others, Beve's battle with fear caused her to seek God with a vengeance. She knew difficult days lay ahead and that she needed to "get up close and personal" with God. One day, while lying in a hospital bed shortly before she stepped into eternity, Beve had a dream. She dreamed that the Lord Himself stood by her bedside and held her hand. She never shared the details of their conversation. She didn't need to. The evidence was written all over her face. Fear didn't have the last word, faith did. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may . . . grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge . . ." (Ephesians 3:15-19).
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