by Outreach Of Hope
The topic of conversation was laughter, but you never would have guessed it from Doug's expression. A successful businessman with more to do than hours in which to do it, he confessed, I don't know how to see the lighter side of life. I take life too seriously. I know I need to 'lighten up,' but I literally don't know how."
Doug isn't alone. Carole feels the same way. Her husband's death following a decade-long battle against cancer has left her with an overwhelming new job description: widow, single parent, and recovering but exhausted caregiver. "Some mornings," she says, "it's all I can do to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other." Learning to lighten up simply isn't on her to-do list. It's all she can do to survive.
Beth Risley, whose husband Chad suffered from Lou Gerhig's disease, has been there as well. Chad was diagnosed when she was pregnant with their second child. While she was giving birth, Chad was in another room in the same hospital battling pneumonia. And their three-year old son? He was staying with an aunt, and Beth didn't even know which one.
For the next eighteen years, daily life in the Risley home involved life-support equipment, feeding tubes, and nurses. Despite the challenges and uncertainty, their home was anything but gloomy. Early on in Chad's battle, Beth made a conscious decision to look for the humor in every situation. She knew that if she didn't, the sorrow would overtake her and her family. As a result, their home was full of life and laughter-lots of it!
For Beth, humor was an important coping mechanism. She agrees wholeheartedly with the person who said, "Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper-it doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while." And she isn't the first to grasp onto humor's power in the midst of trials. During the dark days of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln once said, "Gentlemen, why don't you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die."
What encouragement is there for individuals such as Doug and Carole who find themselves in situations in which they simply aren't able to see the lighter side and may even feel guilty for not being able to lighten up? Take heart, God gives us permission-even encouragement-to express the full range of our feelings. Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is a "time to weep" as well as a "time to laugh." In their book, Dear God, It's Cancer, authors William Fintel, M. D. and Gerald McDermott, Ph. D. emphasize that "both tears and laughter are gifts of God-and you need both to make it through the trial of cancer."
Marilyn Meberg, author of I'd Rather Be Laughing, has a perspective that can help us when our tears blind us to the God who loves us and darken our perspective of the world around us. "A giggle," she believes, "is always loitering about even in the most devastating of circumstances. I make a point of shuffling through the rubble in search of that giggle." Sometimes we need to search hard for that giggle. Sometimes we need to deliberately view our situation through the lens of laughter so we don't get stuck in our sorrow.
And oftentimes, we need to borrow the lens of laughter from someone else. When Jan Dravecky's depression was at its worst, she remembers feeling the same way as Doug and Carole, but her friend Patty wouldn't let her stay there for long. "Patty was a total clown. I think she believed her assignment in life was to make me laugh-and she was good at it. Even though I felt like a wet blanket most of the time, I loved being with her. I looked forward to our times together, and I always felt better afterward."
But not everyone has a friend close at hand who can make us laugh. Beth Risley didn't. Her upbringing and personality helped her to see humor in the midst of difficult circumstances. But more than that, Beth has a rock-solid faith in God. She can find humor in the midst of overwhelming situations because she knows who is ultimately in control. Like a child playing at her father's feet, she knows that God's watchful eye and loving heart are forever focused on her no matter what is happening around her.
Beth has learned that she is not in control of the circumstances of life. She can control only how she responds to them, and her response is of utmost importance. Her response sets the emotional tone for her and her family. She can afford to lay her problems down, to loosen her grip so they don't consume her every thought. She can relax because she knows who controls the circumstances and who holds her in the protection of His hand.
On May 9, 1999, Chad Risley slipped quietly into eternity. Although his family misses him greatly, they continue to walk in steadfast assurance of God's love and faithfulness. And while the sound of weeping can be heard in the Risley home, the sound of laughter is never far away."
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